Straight Outta Crawley is the hilarious and irreverent autobiography from comedian Romesh Ranganathan. At the age of 9, Romesh Ranganathan delivered his first ever stand-up set at a Pontin's holiday camp talent competition, smashing the other competitor, a young girl playing the kazoo. The gig went so well that Romesh retired his co.

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Straight outta Crawley, another Tilgate bum teacher More yobs I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger I'm a bad motherlover and you know this. This book, Straight Outta Crawley, is much like Father Ted’s acceptance speech for The Golden Cleric Award: it is a long list of events where Romesh feels he has been ‘dissed’ by anyone, and this was his chance of calling all those individuals ‘pricks’. Straight Outta Crawley is the hilarious and irreverent autobiography from comedian Romesh Ranganathan. At the age of 9, Romesh Ranganathan delivered his first ever stand-up set at a Pontin's holiday camp talent competition, smashing the other competitor, a young girl playing the kazoo. The gig went so well that Romesh retired his co. In his Straight Outta Crawley autobiography, the comedian recalls entering a talent contest at the holiday park and putting on a Sri-Lankan accent to read jokes about Irish people from a book.

1. Langley Green motherlover named Joshie
2. When I'm called off I go to Co-Op
3. But you ain’t getting’ no coupon ‘cause you’s a yob,
4. The community warden is gonna hafta come to Langley Green and get me
5. For the yob motherlovers that's showin out
6. Mix em and cook em like in Food and Wine
7. Bewbush off on a motherlover like that, it ain’t a crime,
8. So give it up smooth
9. Here's a Bewbush rap to keep feet keeled,
10. Sainsburys is the tool
11. Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
12. yo weekly, monthly and yearly
13. that I'm down with the capital I-F-I-E-L-D
14. So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
15. As I leave, believe I'm stompin
16. but when I come back, Gossops Green, I'm comin straight outta Crawley
17. Straight outta Crawley, another Tilgate bum teacher
18. I'm a bad motherlover and you know this
19. But I don't give a fluff, I'ma make my snaps
20. If not from the records, from jackin sweets from the shops,
21. And when illegally armed it's called 'packin'
22. I find a good piece o' woman, I go up in it
23. I'm a call you a Three Bridges or dirty-bum ho
24. You'll probably get mad like a Three Bridges is supposed to
25. a Tilgate muthafluffer from tha street
26. Nesbitt controls the automatic
27. Not the right hand cause I'm the hand itself
28. The security is maximum and that's a law
29. See, coz I'm the motherlovin villain
30. The definition is clear, you're the witness of a killin
31. And once you're on the scope, your bum is through
32. but a teacher like Kira is on a gangsta tip
33. is a brotha that'll smother yo' mother
34. Dangerous motherlover raises hell
35. See, I don't give a fluff, that's the problem
36. But I'm smart, lay low, creep a while
37. To me it's kinda funny, the attitude showin a teacher drivin
38. but don't know where the fluff he's running, just rollin through Maidenbower
39. But here's a flash, they never seize me
40. except when I unload, see I'll get over the hesitation
41. and hear the scream of the one who got the last penetration
42. But leave a memory no one'll be forgettin
43. So what about the Three Bridges motherlover who got shot? fluff her!
44. You think I give a damn about a Three Bridges muthafluffa? I ain't a sucker!
45. This is the autobiography of ICC, and if you ever fluff with me
46. You'll get taken by a West Green dope brotha who will smother

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